jesso: (TMBG - Birdhouse in your soul)
From [livejournal.com profile] la_bellisima33: Google "You know you're from {insert your state here} if", copy and paste the results, and bold the ones that apply to you.

The ultimate "You Know You're from Texas if ...." list!

1. You see more Texan flags than American flags.
2. You know someone who ate the 72 oz steak and got it for free.
3. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry, and your Cowboy Boots.
4. You can write a check at Dairy Queen for 2 Hungr-Busters and fries.
5. You prefer Whataburger to McDonalds.
6. You dress up to go shopping at the mall.
7. You've hung ornaments and tinsel on a tumbleweed and used it as a Christmas tree.
8. You're disappointed when a food doesn't come in spicy flavor.
9. You know from experience that rattlesnake meat tastes like chicken.
10. You can tell a rock from an armadillo at 300 yards.
11. You know what a 'Cowboy Cadillac' is.
12. You have both a dog and a brother-in-law named Bud
13. Your local grocery store sells cactus in the Fresh Produce department
14. You watch the movie Urban Cowboy and laugh at the phony Texan accents
15. You choose a brand of Mexican salsa with the same care that another might use to select a bottle of fine wine
16. You think that the 4 basic food groups are nachos, bar-b-que, fajitas, and Copenhagen.
17. You refer to the Dallas Cowboys as "God's favorite football team"
18. You know whether another Texan is from South, West, East, North, or Central Texas as soon as they open their mouth.
19. You don't consider people from Austin to be real Texans.
20. Your Pastor wears boots.
21. There is no such thing as a "secret" sin.
22. The Blue Book value on your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
23. Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
24. Roadrunners dont say Beep Beep (I am translating this one as "I have seen a roadrunner," because I have. And yes, he was on the road, running across it on a back road near my parents' house in Ft Worth)
25. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas.
26. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas, plus a couple no ones seen before.
27. Possums will eat anything.
28. Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe.
29. If it grows, it sticks. If it crawls, it bites. (I HATE STICKER PLANTS)
30. Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.
31. There are valid reasons some people put concertina wire around their house.
32. You cannot find a country road without a curve from corner to corner.
33. A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle, they do get stuck.
34. The wind blows at 90 MPH from Oct. 2 until June 25, then it stops totally until Oct 2.
35. Onced and Twiced are good words.
36. It is not a shopping cart it is a buggy.
37. Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic. (My brother sat one a mound of dirt in a park once, only to find out later that it was a fire ant nest.)
38. Graduating 1st in your class means you left in the 8th grade.
39. Coldbeer actually is one word.
40. People really grow and eat okra.
41. Green grass DOES burn.
42. When you live in the country, you don't have to buy a dog. City people drop them off at your gate in the middle of the night. (This is how my parents got their dogs. People just dump them out in the country, because they are horrible horrible people.)
43. When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, its time to go to the doctor.
44. Fixinto is one word.
45. The word dinner is confusing. Theres only lunch and then theres supper.
46. Backards and forards means I know everything about you.
47. Jeeet? is actually a phrase meaning Did you eat?
48. You work until you're done or its too dark to see. (I hate leaving work if I'm in the middle of something.)
49. You measure distance in minutes. (My parents live about 45 minutes to an hour away, depending on how much I speed)
50. You've had to switch from heat to A/C in the same day.
51. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
52. You know what cow tipping and snipe hunting is. (Is cow tipping really an exclusively Texas thing?)
53. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Picante.
54. You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
55. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
56. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
57. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, Still summer, and Christmas.
58. There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population over 1000.
59. Going to Walmart is a favorite past-time known as goin wal-martin or off to Wally World.
60. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.
61. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop .. its a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. (Can I bold this one twice?)
62. You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water...
63. You can say 110 degrees without fainting... (But not without groaning)
64. You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off...
65. You can make instant sun tea...
66. You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron...
67. The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly...
68. You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car...
69. You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window...
70. You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance...
71. Hot water now comes out of both taps...
72. It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets...
73. You actually burn your hand opening the car door... (Used to, but the door handle on Stella isn't metal so I don't anymore)
74. You break a sweat the instant you step outside... at 7:30 a.m. before work...
75. No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning...
76. Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death"?... I once burned the soles of my feet so bad they blistered, just by walking outside barefoot in the summer.
77. You realize that asphalt has a liquid state...
78. Its illegal to have a tattoo until you're 18, but children of all ages can play with guns
79. You don't think its weird to drink a beer at anytime of day, even the morning
80. You think its weird not to drink a beer
81. You can drive all day and not leave the state (The drive to El Paso is looooong)
82. The confederate flag is flown at your high school, the team is even named after it
83. You shop at HEB
84. The town you live in is bigger than Rhode Island (DFW: 8990mi^2, Rhode Island: 1040mi^2)
85. You see more trucks on your daily commute than you'll see in the state of New Jersey (And SUVs, because the Texas State Motto is "Bigger is better)
86. Your high school football stadium is equal to, or better, than most professional stadiums
87. You know there are more longhorn, cattle and steer than there people in the state
88. We don't have an ocean; we have a gulf
89. You know someone who is named Pedro or Martin
90. Their last name is Gonzales, Martinez or Rodriguez
91. You eat tacos for breakfast (Well, I HAVE. Breakfast tacos and burritos are delicious)
92. You think Dr. Pepper is the best damn coke in the world (DUBLIN DR PEPPER = NECTAR OF THE GODS)
93. The extensions of the index and pinky make for the best hand gesture in the world (Not because of any college association, but because YEAH LET'S ROCK OUT)
94. The best parties are on at least two acres of land
95. You can go anywhere with a gun on your truck and no one thinks twice about it
96. You know someone with a gun related injury
97. Getting stuck in the mud is a challenge, not an avoidance
98. We panic when there is an inch of snow on the ground (Because it's usually ice/sleet, not really snow)
99. Air conditioning is standard on every car sold here
100. You've said I've never met a Jewish person before
101. You design your Halloween costume to fit over Wranglers and cowboy boots.
102. The mosquitoes have landing lights.
103. You have more miles on your tractor than your car.
104. You have 10 favorite recipes for deer meat. (Bambi burgers, Bambi McNuggets, Sloppy Does... No, I'm not kidding.)
105. You've taken your kids trick-or-treating when it was 90 degrees outside. (I don't have kids yet, but when I was a kid, yes this happened.)
106. The preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering." and five guys stand up.
107. A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
108. When it rains, everyone is smiling.
109. The choir group is known as the "OK Chorale."
110. Four generations of the same family sit together in worship.
111. There is no such thing as a "secret" sin.
112. Baptism is referred to as "branding."
113. Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.
114. High notes on the organ can set the dogs to howling.
115. People wonder, when Jesus fed 5,000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish.
116. The final words of the benediction are, "Ya'll come back now, ya hear?"
117. It's a common misconception that everything is twice as big in Texas, really, everything is 1.965 times bigger, but we round up.
118. It's a common misconception that the women have big hair. In fact this was outlawed in July 1977. There is a task force and they are doing their best to reach every last woman. Bear with us. (BAHAHAHAHAHAHA, oh man, SERIOUSLY. I know a few of the holdouts.)
119. A visitor to Texas once asked, "Does it ever rain out here?" A rancher quickly answered "Yes, it does. Do you remember that part in the Bible where it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?"The visitor replied, "Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood." "Well," the rancher puffed up, we got 'bout two and a half inches of that."
120. A sad Texan once prayed, "I wish it would rain - not so much for me, cuz I've seen it - but for my 7-year-old."
121. Sunscreen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout counter...
122. A formula less than 30 SPF is a joke and you only wear that to go to the corner store...
123. You can properly pronounce Corsicana, Ennis, Waxahachie, Palestine, Decatur, Wichita Falls, San Antonio, Mexia, Waco, and Amarillo.
124. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel. (I slept in a glass room during a storm once, only to find out the next day that a tornado has passed within miles of me)
125. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
126. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.
127. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.
128. You have known someone who has had one belt buckle bigger than your fist.
129. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store.
130. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Chevy 3500 4x4 is.
131. You know everything goes better with Ranch.
132. You go to the river/lake because you think it is like going to the ocean.
133. You go to the gas station and there is a sign in the window that reads, No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service! (Wait, is this really an exclusively Texas thing?)
134. Your family pet is the stray dog with one leg that came limping up to your door.
135. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
136. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road."
137. I drive a pickup truck because I want to.
138. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
139. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
140. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
141. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
142. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
143. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
144. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
145. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
146. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
147. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
148. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
149. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
150. Colleges? Try Texas Tech, Texas A&M, University of Texas or Texas State. Kids come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
151. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, than any other state
152. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said:"Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas!"


Most of these that I didn't bold, I know people who WOULD bold them. A lot of these apply to small-town Texas more than the cities. Like the ones about people in pickups waving and being friendly? Ha. Driving to work, the only waving I'm going to get from someone in a pickup is someone waving their middle finger at me.

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Jesso

January 2011

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